So as I was looking over my old blog post tonight, I realized I have never posted the originally story about my son. I also post blogs on myspace often. The originally story come from my posting on myspace. I felt today would be an appropriate time to reread this story and post it here. When I began blogging I never really thought writing would help in my healing process of losing a child, but it has. Not just has writing helped me, but reading so many other stories about other families that have lost their precious little ones. Each story I read touches my heart. I have read stories from those who are Christians, Mormons, and from those that do not claim a faith. Each story gives me a new sense of realization as well as a greater hope in my own Savior Jesus Christ. Thank you to all those mommies out there that are willing to share you story to help another in their own healing process. THANK YOU
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BRANDELL'S STORY
For those who are unaware, Bob and I experienced a lost that no parent wants to experience. Our coming addition passed away in the womb. I was able to give birth to my child May 23 (Friday afternoon), upon giving birth it was discovered we had a little boy, he weighed 1 ounce and measured 3 1/2 inches long. He was very precious. I was able to hold him and keep him with me throughout the night. Today after my DNC surgery to remove my placenta I was released from hospital and my husband and I were able to bury our little boy. His resting place is in a beautiful spot on my husband's parents land. There his fragile body lays, but in heaven his soul forever rejoices with his Maker, the Creator of everything. I have so many things I want to share, so many thoughts and feelings, so many secrets from our Lord and Savior. God really does give Beauty for ashes and strength for tears. As my little boy plays in heaven, my heart will be forever filled with his presence.
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ANOTHER Thought
My blog is titled AGAPE ROAD. This title comes from my son's second middle name. During my second pregnancy, I nicknamed my daughter Journey. So when I become pregnant with my son, I immediately wanted a nickname for him. How fitting that God had laid on my heart to give him the second middle name of Agape. My son had this name long before his delivery on May 23rd! Wow, can we say God knows everything, well in advance...
It has been through Agape Love of our Heavenly Father that I have been able to heal from this loss. Therefore in memory of my son, This is where I can write about our Agape Road.
Showing posts with label Brandell. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Brandell. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Miscarriage and Infant Loss Awareness Day
Today is Miscarriage and Infant Loss Awareness Day. Please pray for all those that have loss children, remembering is hard, but forgetting is impossible. Check out the following blog "October 15", and there are numerous comments left by women that have lost children , each one of these women would love your prayers.
This day is a day for our family to remember our son Brandell Scott "Agape" Wolf, born at 14 weeks on May 23, 2008 weighing in at one ounce. We love you Brandell, forever in our hearts!
This day is a day for our family to remember our son Brandell Scott "Agape" Wolf, born at 14 weeks on May 23, 2008 weighing in at one ounce. We love you Brandell, forever in our hearts!
Monday, September 29, 2008
13.1
What an amazing day. Today has been a day full of Grace for our family. As of one month ago my iron level/blood count was still at a 10.1. Since the last testing I have been very concerned that my iron level would never return to normal. Today I went for my monthly test and my level is now at a 13.1! WOW. Let me tell you I was very nervous going into the office today not knowing what to expect. As I was walking in I said one simple prayer, Lord, give me grace whatever the number may be. As the nurse poked my middle finger, my whole hand, in fact my whole body was shaking, in fear that the number would still be below a 12. Man was I so wrong. God has really worked a miracle through this last month with my blood level, and now I am way above what I ever thought was possible, a 13.1!!!
With my blood level now being above a 12, my husband and I can now try for another child whenever we are ready. This is a bittersweet thing to think about. Everyday I still think of Brandell and how precious my son was, so thinking of another baby comes with joy but also with sadness.
For 4 months now, my mother has held onto my sons photos. I had not looked at them, knowing that it was just not the right timing. For one month I have thought about the photos. I mentioned it several times, but never asked my mother to send them. Last week I phoned my mom and let her know I was ready. In God's timing everything takes place. Today I received my photos and looked at them, I saw my son for the first time in 4 months. As I flipped through the photos my heart broke, as I began to remember my time in the hospital, but through it all God's grace was right there with me. My mother also made a DVD for our family titled Brandell resting, the DVD is such an awesome tribute to my son. Maybe one day I will be able to share my son with you. Thank you to my mother for bearing the pain of our family. I often think of mine and my husbands pain of losing a baby, but I also often think of my mother's and father's pain of losing a grandbaby. Both of my parents were present during the delivery of my son, they held him, kissed him, and loved on him the same way Bob and I did. I think of them often, asking the Lord to bestow His grace upon them as the memories of that day fill their hearts.
I want to leave you with on last thought. Last night as I was praying and preparing for today, knowing that Bob and I would see the photos and we would find out about my blood count, I prayed and asked the Lord to give me the grace I needed. I than turned to Isaiah 49 and began to read:
1 All of you people in faraway places, listen to me.
Listen, all you nations far away.
Before I was born, the Lord called me to serve him.
The Lord named me while I was still in my mother's womb.
2 He made my tongue like a sharp sword.
He hid me in the shadow of his hand.
He made me like a sharp arrow.
He hid me in the holder for his arrows.
3 He told me, "Israel, you are my servant.
I will show my glory through you."
4 But I said, "I have worked hard for nothing;
I have used all my power, but I did nothing useful.
But the Lord will decide what my work is worth;
God will decide my reward."
5 The Lord made me in the body of my mother
to be his servant,
to lead the people of Jacob back to him
so that Israel might be gathered to him.
The Lord will honor me,
and I will get my strength from my God.
6 Now he told me,
"You are an important servant to me
to bring back the tribes of Jacob,
to bring back the people of Israel who are left alive.
But, more importantly, I will make you a light for all nations
to show people all over the world the way to be saved."
7 The Lord who saves you
is the Holy One of Israel.
He speaks to the one who is hated by the people,
to the servant of rulers.
This is what he says: "Kings will see you and stand to honor you;
great leaders will bow down before you,
because the Lord can be trusted.
He is the Holy One of Israel, who has chosen you."
After reading this is felt the Lord's mighty hand of comfort. I really felt through the verse my son was speaking to me, telling me "mommy, it's ok", "mommy, I am a SERVANT". I have no greater joy this day, knowing that my son is a servant of the almighty creator. In this time of these bittersweet moment, I thank my Father in heaven for giving me a glimpse of my son. Thank you Jesus, for all you have done, thank you that through Brandell's life I have been shaped and formed more into the person you have called me to be.
With my blood level now being above a 12, my husband and I can now try for another child whenever we are ready. This is a bittersweet thing to think about. Everyday I still think of Brandell and how precious my son was, so thinking of another baby comes with joy but also with sadness.
For 4 months now, my mother has held onto my sons photos. I had not looked at them, knowing that it was just not the right timing. For one month I have thought about the photos. I mentioned it several times, but never asked my mother to send them. Last week I phoned my mom and let her know I was ready. In God's timing everything takes place. Today I received my photos and looked at them, I saw my son for the first time in 4 months. As I flipped through the photos my heart broke, as I began to remember my time in the hospital, but through it all God's grace was right there with me. My mother also made a DVD for our family titled Brandell resting, the DVD is such an awesome tribute to my son. Maybe one day I will be able to share my son with you. Thank you to my mother for bearing the pain of our family. I often think of mine and my husbands pain of losing a baby, but I also often think of my mother's and father's pain of losing a grandbaby. Both of my parents were present during the delivery of my son, they held him, kissed him, and loved on him the same way Bob and I did. I think of them often, asking the Lord to bestow His grace upon them as the memories of that day fill their hearts.
I want to leave you with on last thought. Last night as I was praying and preparing for today, knowing that Bob and I would see the photos and we would find out about my blood count, I prayed and asked the Lord to give me the grace I needed. I than turned to Isaiah 49 and began to read:
1 All of you people in faraway places, listen to me.
Listen, all you nations far away.
Before I was born, the Lord called me to serve him.
The Lord named me while I was still in my mother's womb.
2 He made my tongue like a sharp sword.
He hid me in the shadow of his hand.
He made me like a sharp arrow.
He hid me in the holder for his arrows.
3 He told me, "Israel, you are my servant.
I will show my glory through you."
4 But I said, "I have worked hard for nothing;
I have used all my power, but I did nothing useful.
But the Lord will decide what my work is worth;
God will decide my reward."
5 The Lord made me in the body of my mother
to be his servant,
to lead the people of Jacob back to him
so that Israel might be gathered to him.
The Lord will honor me,
and I will get my strength from my God.
6 Now he told me,
"You are an important servant to me
to bring back the tribes of Jacob,
to bring back the people of Israel who are left alive.
But, more importantly, I will make you a light for all nations
to show people all over the world the way to be saved."
7 The Lord who saves you
is the Holy One of Israel.
He speaks to the one who is hated by the people,
to the servant of rulers.
This is what he says: "Kings will see you and stand to honor you;
great leaders will bow down before you,
because the Lord can be trusted.
He is the Holy One of Israel, who has chosen you."
After reading this is felt the Lord's mighty hand of comfort. I really felt through the verse my son was speaking to me, telling me "mommy, it's ok", "mommy, I am a SERVANT". I have no greater joy this day, knowing that my son is a servant of the almighty creator. In this time of these bittersweet moment, I thank my Father in heaven for giving me a glimpse of my son. Thank you Jesus, for all you have done, thank you that through Brandell's life I have been shaped and formed more into the person you have called me to be.
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