13.1

What an amazing day. Today has been a day full of Grace for our family. As of one month ago my iron level/blood count was still at a 10.1. Since the last testing I have been very concerned that my iron level would never return to normal. Today I went for my monthly test and my level is now at a 13.1! WOW. Let me tell you I was very nervous going into the office today not knowing what to expect. As I was walking in I said one simple prayer, Lord, give me grace whatever the number may be. As the nurse poked my middle finger, my whole hand, in fact my whole body was shaking, in fear that the number would still be below a 12. Man was I so wrong. God has really worked a miracle through this last month with my blood level, and now I am way above what I ever thought was possible, a 13.1!!!

With my blood level now being above a 12, my husband and I can now try for another child whenever we are ready. This is a bittersweet thing to think about. Everyday I still think of Brandell and how precious my son was, so thinking of another baby comes with joy but also with sadness.

For 4 months now, my mother has held onto my sons photos. I had not looked at them, knowing that it was just not the right timing. For one month I have thought about the photos. I mentioned it several times, but never asked my mother to send them. Last week I phoned my mom and let her know I was ready. In God's timing everything takes place. Today I received my photos and looked at them, I saw my son for the first time in 4 months. As I flipped through the photos my heart broke, as I began to remember my time in the hospital, but through it all God's grace was right there with me. My mother also made a DVD for our family titled Brandell resting, the DVD is such an awesome tribute to my son. Maybe one day I will be able to share my son with you. Thank you to my mother for bearing the pain of our family. I often think of mine and my husbands pain of losing a baby, but I also often think of my mother's and father's pain of losing a grandbaby. Both of my parents were present during the delivery of my son, they held him, kissed him, and loved on him the same way Bob and I did. I think of them often, asking the Lord to bestow His grace upon them as the memories of that day fill their hearts.

I want to leave you with on last thought. Last night as I was praying and preparing for today, knowing that Bob and I would see the photos and we would find out about my blood count, I prayed and asked the Lord to give me the grace I needed. I than turned to Isaiah 49 and began to read:

1 All of you people in faraway places, listen to me.
Listen, all you nations far away.
Before I was born, the Lord called me to serve him.
The Lord named me while I was still in my mother's womb.
2 He made my tongue like a sharp sword.
He hid me in the shadow of his hand.
He made me like a sharp arrow.
He hid me in the holder for his arrows.
3 He told me, "Israel, you are my servant.
I will show my glory through you."
4 But I said, "I have worked hard for nothing;
I have used all my power, but I did nothing useful.
But the Lord will decide what my work is worth;
God will decide my reward."
5 The Lord made me in the body of my mother
to be his servant,
to lead the people of Jacob back to him
so that Israel might be gathered to him.
The Lord will honor me,
and I will get my strength from my God.
6 Now he told me,
"You are an important servant to me
to bring back the tribes of Jacob,
to bring back the people of Israel who are left alive.
But, more importantly, I will make you a light for all nations
to show people all over the world the way to be saved."

7 The Lord who saves you
is the Holy One of Israel.
He speaks to the one who is hated by the people,
to the servant of rulers.
This is what he says: "Kings will see you and stand to honor you;
great leaders will bow down before you,
because the Lord can be trusted.
He is the Holy One of Israel, who has chosen you."

After reading this is felt the Lord's mighty hand of comfort. I really felt through the verse my son was speaking to me, telling me "mommy, it's ok", "mommy, I am a SERVANT". I have no greater joy this day, knowing that my son is a servant of the almighty creator. In this time of these bittersweet moment, I thank my Father in heaven for giving me a glimpse of my son. Thank you Jesus, for all you have done, thank you that through Brandell's life I have been shaped and formed more into the person you have called me to be.