The passing of my grandmother has brought back many memories. One memory that I never expected to have was the remberance of my son's passing. I mean why? Why would her death cause me to think of his death? I ask my mother why this was, she didn't really know. I told my mother maybe it has something to do with the fact that, the last person I had seen without breathe was him, seen lifeless? I didn't know that's just what made sense to me at the time. I still don't understand it all, but one thing I know for sure is that my precious son is being held and rocked by his great grandmother. Before my grandmother passings, the day my grandmother decided she was going home, I asked her a very personal question, I asked her to find him (my son). I ask her to hold him and rock him and to tell him about me. I said, "Tell him mommy loves him and soon will come to see him". I said,"if you don't see him ask someone where he is, because he is there". I found great comfort when I heard that my grandmother had seen a group of children before her passing, I often wonder if one of those children were my precious baby. I will never know the answer to that, but that's ok, I know without a doubt in my mind she has seen him by now. As I write this, tears stream down my face. My son and my grandmother both meant so much to me and still do. Both of them shaped my life in a way no one else would of been able to do. My sons life was very short while my grandmother shaped my life for 29 years. I agree with my sister when she said that "heaven now holds a part of my life".
A day has never passed that I haven't thought of my son since his passing and now that my grandmother has passed a day will never pass that I don't think of her. Heaven was calling both of him, heaven was waiting, and now heaven has both of them, and b/c of that heaven will never be the same.
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